So...I know I haven't been as posting as much as I should. Work has been insane...I've been trying to get back in the swing of things, and back on track since Hurricane Sandy. It's been difficult. Not just because of work, but because of family issues as well. Just be forewarned...this is a personal post. So if you don't care about who I am as a blogger/person/"chef", just ignore this one. If you DO care, by all means, READ ON...just be warned, you might get emotional.
And...because all posts need pictures...here's one that I thought to be fitting:
Now for those of you that really KNOW me, you know I don't go to church every Sunday...but you know I have belief in God, and I believe that He will guide me through tough times. What I DON'T believe in, and have always had trouble believing in, is whether or not He knows if I can handle it. I feel like this time, I won't be able to.
Let me give you a little back-story...my parents (Mom & Dad) were divorced by the time I was around 5 years old. They BOTH re-married in 1995. My mother happened to marry this amazing man, Mark. My father on the other hand...well that's another story. My father lived out in the St. Louis area, and I went to visit him on occasion. I decided to go to college out there (SIUE to be exact), and arrived for my Freshman Semester in August of 2004. My father was diagnosed with cancer by the end of 2004, and passed on January 13th, 2005. After that, I was in a downward spiral for most of 2005 and 2006. And by downward spiral, I meant, never going to class, drinking too much, and just making bad life choices. I never really got back on track until I arrived home back to NJ, got back into school, and got a better job.
Now, back to the original "belief" question, at hand. Does God know whether or not I'm strong enough to handle the challenges that are THROWN my way? Because in this life, my loving, amazing, most fantastic Step-Dad, Mark, has been diagnosed with cancer. CANCER. Are ya kidding me? Does He know that this is my STEP-DAD they are doing this to? The man that wouldn't hurt a friggin' FLY? They found spots of concern the week before Hurricane Sandy, and got them checked out. He met with the oncologist this Monday, and had his first chemo treatment today (Tuesday). It was a 5 hour long treatment, and he feels fine (surprisingly enough). The doctors are hopeful, and they are looking to do chemo treatments for 2 to 3 months (total of 4 to 6 treatments), and then revisit the tests to see if everything clears up/shrinks.
My AMAZING mother...is staying positive, and being strong, and putting all her faith in God that He knows best, and will give her strength to get through this. I am TRYING to stay positive...I really am...but with my "belief" question, I just am so angry/hurt/scared/nervous/frustrated/LOST, I can barely breathe sometimes. There are times when I think about what could happen, that I just break down. Today, it was in the middle of a meeting at work. At least it was virtual, and nobody could see me. That would have been embarrassing.
Honestly...why this? Why Mark? Why me? No really...WHY ME? Again? Seriously? WTH.
Any thoughts/support from the peanut gallery (aka my followers) would be helpful. Has anyone been through this before? I mean, I know I have (this is the second time)...but any words of encouragement or thoughts of positivity could really be helpful. Especially in regards to that "belief" question...
Labels: cancer, Cancer Awareness, chemo, dad, Hurricane Sandy, Mark, Mom and Mark, personal